Gay deer hunters

For LGBTQ+ hunters at the intersections of multiple marginalized identities, or in states that are less welcoming to the queer community, I doubt that such friendly coming-out moments are.

The Deer Hunter is a film about the Vietnam War, but it’s also a gay love story between the characters of Michael (DeNiro) and Nick (Walken). Let me explain why. A gay man cannot enjoy hunting, or sports, or have a family, I thought. You can hear the breeze or the rustle of leaves as a deer walks in and your heart starts beating a little faster. Trying to balance self identity as a gay hunter, from gun rights to gay rights it causes a juxtaposition in two different communities.

I have a friend who is gay and we are going to go hunting together soon, but it's just that - two friends hunting. If he is gay, left-handed or blonde, I don't care on the hunt. The first time I read it, I was still closeted and married, fighting, denying and suppressing my attraction to men; often leading a secret, shameful double life.

The story hit hard, and I felt doomed to a life of deceit. I read it again last year, when hype about the upcoming movie first hit the press. By then I was out, best friends with my former wife of 14 years, and living truer to myself. It made me grateful I had found the courage to change my story to a happier ending. But what surprised me most about the movie was the elk hunt.

Jack and Ennis lose their supplies when a black bear, played by a sadly tame, fat, Hollywood bear, spooks their horses. They sneak up on a bull elk and shoot it. We see the bull stumble and begin to drop, followed instantly by a scene where Jack and Ennis are sitting around a fire, cheerfully gorging on wild elk with strips of meat drying on a makeshift rack behind them.

It might be the best elk-hunting scene since Jeremiah Johnson. Like my long struggle to come to terms with my homosexuality, I also struggle with my identity as a hunter. I am sort of an anti-hunter who hunts. Many of the hunters I know seem caught up in an endless quest to kill the biggest possible bull or buck with the least possible effort. I love wild meat, bloody rare, and I have also come to cherish wildlife and the wild places it needs to roam.

I have worked or volunteered most of my life for nonprofits that strive to protect what little wildness remains. I spend a lot of time alone in elk country, hunting, fishing, backpacking, snowshoeing and backcountry skiing. There is always the rare chance a mountain lion or grizzly might judge me a decent feast, but no wild animal seems to care who I choose to sleep with. I occasionally surf a chat room, where fellow bowhunters often post rants against liberals, wolves, grizzlies and tree-huggers.

For fun, I posted a new thread: Brokeback Mountain: Best elk-hunting movie? Since folks on this site often and justly complain of poor Hollywood depictions of hunting, I mentioned that here was a good, positive portrayal. Most said they would never watch it. Since I had seen it, one guy said he sure did wonder about me. Another called the movie Hollywood propaganda to promote a liberal, homosexual lifestyle.

The movie, like the book, is a heartbreaking depiction of being gay. It goes to the heart of the fear and prejudice that lead to so many desperate, unfulfilling lives. Brokeback may change some minds, but I hold no illusions that my fellow bowhunters or most rural Westerners will ever accept me — a gay, wolf-loving, tree-hugging former Marine, even if I do like to hunt elk.

A gay man cannot enjoy hunting,

Then again, who knows? Perhaps when the DVD is released, a few might sneak it home, secretly watch it when no one is around, and face their own internal turmoil. For now, fortunately, there still exist remote, wild places where a man like me can still roam and sit around a fire, eating wild elk. He is the former conservation editor of Bugle magazine, published by the Rocky Mountain Elk Foundation, and lives in Missoula, Montana.

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